Nov. 02, 2025

Today, we start our second conversation of the fall, this time discussing people and relationships.  We are calling this “The Unavoidable Adventure: Life with People,” and the goal is to grow to a place where we live and love well.  We all want that, but it’s challenging.  Life with people isn’t easy; it is an adventure, and while we would love to avoid all that comes with people, we need them in our lives. It’s challenging, it’s messy, it takes energy, and it's often the area where we hurt and struggle the most, but it is vital for our personal growth and health, and for our faith lives too.  It is interesting that Jesus taught us that living out our faith is actually pretty simple.  He tells us that His teaching is easy and light.  He also said that every detail of our faith will come down to doing two things well: loving God and loving others. 

Matthew 22:37 Jesus replied: "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.'  38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'  40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments." NIV

That’s it: we are to love God and love others; that is not complicated or unclear, even though many try to overcomplicate it, trying to figure out just who their neighbor actually is, so they know who they have to love and who they don’t have to love!  But, if you stop and think about it, this is nice.  It’s simple, clear, just two steps…but we can be honest: one of those two things is easier to do than the other!  Loving God is one thing, but whew, the people part?  We have met people, and not all of them are easy to love!  So, it’s simple and clear, but it’s also challenging because life with people is not easy.  It is messy, often painful, and disappointing.  On top of that, we all have people in our lives who are not easy to love, and let’s just say it, with the holidays right in front of us, we may be forced back into those challenging interactions with people we have done a good job avoiding all year.  This series has a lot of potential for us to learn and grow into people who can live and love well, so before we dive into today’s talk, I do want to go over a few things and give you a brief overview of the series.

First, the midweek discipleship class.  This series is accompanied by a class that will meet on Wednesday evenings at MRC at 6 pm, where we will expand on the Sunday topics.  If you can’t make it out midweek but would still like the material, sign up in the app, online, or out in the lobby, and make sure I have your email so you can get on the email list to receive the videos and study guides to watch on your own.

So, what is the goal of this series?  The goal is to go deeper and find inner healing.  Wait, I thought you said this was about other people, not me!  Well, we will get into that.  We don’t want to just learn a few tips and techniques to survive these moments with people with as little tension as possible.  We want to live and love well, not just get by.  If we are going to do that, we must go deeper than a few tips and techniques.  We need to get to the source of the challenges we have with people and hopefully find healing in the broken parts of our hearts and souls that tend to surface most in our relationships with others.  If we can do that, we can live and love well.  That doesn’t come from tips and techniques, and it won’t come from staying on the surface and treating symptoms of our issues, it comes from getting to the heart of it, and dealing with those things that block us from experiencing all that life can be, it’s in our own inner healing that we can move forward in a new way, where we aren’t just surviving difficult moments with people, and where things like holiday get togethers loom out in the future like a dark cloud of dread on the horizon with a mental and emotional countdown in our minds…we don’t want that, we want to live and love well, and we can.  So this is exciting, but it is also challenging because we need to be willing to leave the surface and explore the areas of our lives we often avoid.  I know this may feel a little unsettling right now, but please stick with this because it has the potential to lead us into a new experience and a new life.

So, where is the conversation taking us?  This series will have two parts. Throughout November, we will be exploring the most powerful system in your life — the one that has the greatest influence and impact on you: your family of origin, your past, and your upbringing.  We all have a past; we all come from somewhere, and we can’t learn to live and love well without addressing this part of our lives.   This will allow us to discuss going backward to go forward and to look at different ways our family of origin influences and undermines our lives.  Then, in December, we will shift the conversation to three core principles: finding freedom from triggers, reactivity, and criticism; embracing limits in our lives; and slowing down.  On the surface when we look at this, we may be thinking: “Great, they hyped up a series on relationships, and I’m struggling to love and relate to others well, and they aren’t even talking about how to love others well…how could my past, my family of origin and upbringing, freeing up from triggers, criticisms, and reactivity, embracing limits in my life and slowing down help me with people?”  Well, remember, we aren’t going to stay on the surface anymore. If we can truly engage these things, and allow Jesus all the way into these areas of our lives, and embrace these principles, we will unlock life and relationships in a new way!  With all of that said, let’s roll up our sleeves and get into this today.  As we get started, I want to get you thinking with a quote I found the other day, which really captures the heart of what we are doing here in November.

"What doesn't get healed gets passed on, and you are not responsible for the world that shaped your beliefs, but you are very responsible for the world you create through your beliefs."  Unknown

That is a big statement that lines up with Scripture as well.  What a powerful thought.  What doesn’t get addressed gets passed on, and while we aren’t responsible for the world that shaped us, we are responsible for the world we are shaping.  So, before we go any further, let’s slow down and try to personalize this with some questions.

Have you ever stopped to think about why you see things the way you do?  Here’s what I mean.  We all have a way of seeing the world, seeing people, and interpreting life… have you ever stopped to think about where those views and thoughts come from?  It’s important to understand that every individual on this planet views life through a lens shaped by their life experience.  The most powerful and impactful way it is shaped is through our upbringing, our family of origin, and our past.  You have a way of looking at life that feels right and makes so much sense to you.  This is your reality.  Now, to sum up why life with people is so hard…your reality isn’t necessarily reality, and most definitely isn’t the same as everyone else's!  The way you view life that feels right and makes so much sense to you may look crazy to someone else who has a completely different way of looking at life, because their way of viewing it was shaped completely differently than yours.  As crazy or weird as they see things or appear to you, it is as crazy and weird as you seem to them!  I can’t imagine why relationships are a challenge!  Have you ever thought about this?  I find it fascinating, and I would say it is not easy to see, because the way we view things looks like how life should be to us!  It feels right and makes sense, so to us, it’s just life. We don’t even realize we have a lens through which we view life that has been shaped and formed in us.  This is why people can walk into the same environments and have entirely different experiences.  We can all walk into the same church, restaurant, sporting event, or grocery store, with the same lights, people, music, and everything, and walk out with entirely different feelings and experiences.  So, we need to stop and think about why we see and feel things the way we do, before we even think about how someone else may see and feel and experience things in a different way than what makes sense to you personally.  So, think about this today, maybe spend some time this week reflecting on this.  What beliefs have I developed about the world, people, authority figures, church, and just life in general?  Now add to it: what beliefs about life am I passing on to others, especially my children?  Not sure, let me help you start that thought process.  Ask yourself, is life positive or negative? Is life safe or dangerous? Are people good or bad?  What makes someone good or bad?  How do I view people in authority over me?  How do I view others who don’t believe what I believe?  How do I handle conflict?  It is important to think through how we view life, and understand that our view of life has been shaped into us, and may not necessarily be the actual reality.  It’s also important to understand how our thoughts and beliefs shape the world around us.  Our thoughts and beliefs form our version of reality, and they come from somewhere.

So you could say that we have found our starting point to live and love well.  Awareness.  Where do my thoughts and beliefs come from?  What has shaped how I view and interpret life.  What am I passing on to my loved ones and those around me? What doesn’t get healed gets passed on, and there can’t be healing without awareness.  While awareness can be unsettling, it’s so important.

“Those who cannot learn from the past are doomed to repeat it.” George Santayana

Today, I wanted to study John chapter 8.  It’s a fascinating chapter, which starts and ends with the religious people wanting to stone someone, which I don’t think is ironic; I think it’s important for us to see, and hey, just to throw it out there, murder is bad.   John 8 starts with the famous moment of Jesus teaching in the temple, and the religious leaders bring in a woman caught in adultery.  They are using her to try to trap him because, at this point, they already want to kill him, and again, murder is bad.  But they drag her in, and want to know what He wants them to do with her.  After taking a breath and writing in the dirt, Jesus famously tells them that the person standing there, who doesn’t sin, should go ahead and throw the first stone, and one by one they drop their stones and leave, until it’s just him and the woman.  Jesus tells her He doesn’t condemn her and tells her to go and sin more.  

After that intense and beautiful moment, we get 47 verses of one incredible exchange after another between Jesus and the religious leaders around him, where He is trying over and over again to tell them who He is, and they just can’t see it.  We often read of these religious leaders in amazement because they can’t understand or see Jesus, but if you think about it, they are just like you and me.  They have a way of viewing life, a belief system shaped by their pasts and upbringings.  And everything Jesus does seems to be the opposite of the way they see and believe life should be.   I wish I had time to read the whole chapter to you today, and would ask that you take the time this week to do so, but I will give you a few highlights as Jesus, who remember, sees life through the true healed, and unbroken lens tries to help them see in a new way…and they just don’t get it.  That is how powerful the system is that shapes us!  So let’s get a few highlights here…this is his first effort in the chapter to open them up to more.  He tells them that He is the light of the world, and that all who follow Him will not be in the darkness, but they don’t believe him and listen to what Jesus says here…he will say something similar later in the chapter.

John 8:14 Jesus replied, "You're right that you only have my word. But you can depend on it being true. I know where I've come from and where I go next. You don't know where I'm from or where I'm headed. 15 You decide according to what you can see and touch. I don't make judgments like that. 16 But even if I did, my judgment would be true because I wouldn't make it out of the narrowness of my experience but in the largeness of the One who sent me, the Father. MSG

Jesus says you aren’t seeing clearly or the whole picture, but I do because I don’t view or believe what is true out of the narrowness of my experience, but out of the pureness and largeness of God!  Wow!  Now, think about what we are discussing today, about this view we all have about life, which is shaped and formed by our experiences. This is a massive statement.  Jesus says your way of viewing life is shaped and formed by your experiences, but his is not. Jesus is fully healed and sees through the perfect lens of God, not through the broken lens of humanity.  He knows they don’t get it, but He keeps trying to explain to them who He is and what He is about to do for them —and for all of us —but they don’t get it.  They think maybe He is talking about killing Himself, and can’t figure out who it is that He keeps calling His father, and Jesus replied this way. 

John 8:23 Jesus said, "You're tied down to the mundane; I'm in touch with what is beyond your horizons. You live in terms of what you see and touch. I'm living on other terms. 24 I told you that you were missing God in all this. You're at a dead end. If you won't believe I am who I say I am, you're at the dead end of sins. You're missing God in your lives." MSG

Jesus is trying to open them up to what is beyond our horizons, as we live in a life shaped by what we see, touch, and feel.  He wants to open us up to what is beyond our horizons, yet as we walk through this busted-up life, just like the religious leaders of that time, we can miss God in all of this; we can miss Him in our lives.  We will come back to this, but as Jesus continues, to go over the same ground from different angles, they continue to struggle to understand him. At one point, some do believe Him, but I’m not sure they totally get it either.  This is what Jesus said to those who say they now believe. 

John 8:31 "You are truly my disciples if you remain faithful to my teachings. 32 And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."  NLT

They still don’t get it, and this statement about the truth setting them free didn’t excite them; it actually offends them more.  As they get more offended and frustrated with Jesus, the conversation starts to ramp up, and Jesus turns it to how He is trying to help them see what God wants for them, but they can’t see it as they just keep on doing what they have been taught to do, they keep on doing what their father told them to do, if it doesn’t bug them enough the first time, Jesus does this twice. 

John 8:38 “I’m telling you what my Father has shown me, but you do what your father has told you.” NCV

They get angry and say Abraham is their father, but Jesus says if that were true, you wouldn’t want to kill me, but you do, then goes on to say this in verse 41.

John 8:41 “You persist in repeating the works of your father." MSG

They are outraged, and after Jesus tries again to explain who He is, the chapter ends with them proving His point; they pick up rocks and want to stone Him, but he slips away because it wasn’t yet his time.  There is no irony that the chapter starts and ends the same way; they just can’t see it. They have a way of seeing life, and Jesus is trying to open them up to more, but they just can’t get there.  They are tied to the mundane, and Jesus wants them to see what is beyond their horizons, He wants to reveal to them what God showed Him, but they just keep on doing what their parents did and told them to do, which is what their parent’s parents did and told them to do, which is what their parents, parents, parents did and told them to do…do you see it?  I think this is still the challenge today; we struggle to find abundant life, and we stay tied down to the mundane by the powerful way we see life, which has been shaped by our upbringing, family of origin, and pasts.

This is the heart of the series, and really our heart at MRC for everyone around us.  We want to show you what God is showing us, we want everyone to free up and stop being tied down to the mundane and step into more, into life beyond our horizons but it’s hard because we seem locked into what we learned first, and we keep on doing what our parents and their parents to the third and fourth generation told us to do.  Do you see it?  So, as we open this series that can truly unlock us to more in life and with people, let's focus on that amazing line from Jesus in The Message.

John 8:23 Jesus said, "You're tied down to the mundane; I'm in touch with what is beyond your horizons. You live in terms of what you see and touch. I'm living on other terms. 24 I told you that you were missing God in all this. You're at a dead end. If you won't believe I am who I say I am, you're at the dead end of sins. You're missing God in your lives." MSG

What do you think of when you think of a mundane life?  I will tell you that for me, I think of a life that is small, boring, and repetitive.  A life many of us live today that could be described as a life on autopilot. 

Here’s why it is small.  It’s small because we are self-focused and miss God in our lives.  We don’t mean to be self-focused, but we don’t find healing from our hurts and wounds, and that pain is hard not to focus on.  We aren’t intentional and focused on God, and we live in a world that just blurs God and our health right out of our lives.  We don’t deal with our pasts, our hurts and wounds, and can convince ourselves that it is easier not to do so.  When we stay self-focused, we miss the world beyond our horizons that comes with God's focus.  It’s also small because we aren’t honest with ourselves and others.  We pretend, lie, exaggerate our importance, acting like something we are not; then we are stuck maintaining the image we want others to see.  It’s also small because we allow our thoughts and emotions to control our lives and aren’t willing to change the way we think. 

Here’s why it’s boring. It is boring because there is religion, not a relationship with God, so we exhaust ourselves doing for God rather than enjoying the life that comes from being with God.  We check boxes off to-do lists and days off the calendar rather than experience real life in Christ.  It’s boring because we aren’t open to what God can give us; we just keep repeating life as we know it, doing what we do, which is what our parents did, which is what their parents did —it just keeps life on repeat.  It’s boring because we aren’t growing or engaging; we stay comfortable and safe, crossing days off the calendar. 

Here’s why it’s on autopilot.  It’s on autopilot because we aren’t willing to step into the important work of discipleship; we aren’t willing to heal and work through the way we see and view life and people.  Instead, we just get up, start scrolling through the day with as little intentionality as possible.  This is very common; the latest studies are showing that people are living on autopilot, just moving through the day without thinking up to 50% of the time!  We learned today that we all have come from somewhere. The most powerful system we have in our lives that shapes the course of our lives is our upbringing, family of origin, and our past.  If we don’t deal with this, the autopilot sets its course, and life will keep on happening as it always has.  And I would add to that: you live in a world designed to keep you living on autopilot.  Your enemy wants you tied down to the mundane rather than stepping into life beyond your horizons.  If we are going to change, we can’t live on autopilot; that means we have to change the way we think and see life.  The problem is that our thoughts and ways of seeing life have been deeply embedded in us, in ways we may not even recognize, and they are so powerful.  They are literally behind everything you do and how you interpret life. Everything you do is motivated by a belief; those beliefs have been shaped and molded somewhere, and every action or behavior is prompted by an attitude that has been shaped and molded somewhere, and that is why we will spend the next few weeks diving into our upbringings, family of origin, and our pasts. 

Can I ask you something? Would you consider your life to be tied down to the mundane?  Is it small, boring, repetitive, or lived on autopilot?  Could you be missing God in all of this?  What if Jesus is trying to show us more?  Would you be open to that possibility, or while He tries to show you what His Father has shown Him, will you just keep on doing what your father has told you?  What if there is more beyond our horizons, more to experience in life?  Listen, we all have beliefs and a way of seeing life and people.  Until we address that powerful system that has shaped our view of life and people, nothing changes.  Life just keeps happening as it always has to us, to our children, to their children, and beyond.  Please stop this week and think about why you see things the way you do.  Ask yourself, what beliefs have I developed about the world, people, authority figures, church, and just life in general?  Is life safe or dangerous? Are people good or bad?  What makes someone good or bad?  How do I view people in authority over me?  How do I view others who don’t believe what I believe?  How do I handle conflict?

It is important to think through how we view life and to understand that our view of life has been shaped in us and may not necessarily be reality.  It’s also important to understand how our thoughts and beliefs shape the world around us.  I’m going to close with that quote from earlier.

"What doesn't get healed gets passed on, and you are not responsible for the world that shaped your beliefs, but you are very responsible for the world you create through your beliefs."  Unknown

Welcome to our new series, The Unavoidable Adventure: Life with People.