There is a story in the Bible that Jesus told.  You are probably very familiar with it.  It’s a story of two sons.  The younger son demanded his inheritance early and left home.  It was extremely disrespectful to his father and shows the true condition of his heart.  As you hear this story, he seems to be the bad son.  The older brother, he stays at home and works on the farm with his dad.   He seems to be the good son.  He is loyal and faithful.  As the story goes on, the son who left blows all his money on partying and prostitutes and ends up bankrupt and feeding pigs.  This broke him.  He comes to his senses and decides to come home.  When his father sees him, his father embraces him, and the relationship is restored.  His father has a party to celebrate him.

What is interesting about this story is how the older son responds to his brother coming home.  I want to read it for you.

Luke 15:25 “Meanwhile, the older son was in the fields working; when he returned home, he heard dance music coming from the house, 26 and he asked one of the servants what was going on. 27 “‘Your brother is back,’ he was told, ‘and your father has killed the calf we were fattening and has prepared a great feast to celebrate his coming home again unharmed.’

28 “The older brother was angry and wouldn’t go in. His father came out and begged him, 29 but he replied, ‘All these years I’ve worked hard for you and never once refused to do a single thing you told me to; and in all that time you never gave me even one young goat for a feast with my friends. 30 Yet when this son of yours comes back after spending your money on prostitutes, you celebrate by killing the finest calf we have on the place.’ 31 “‘Look, dear son,’ his father said to him, ‘you and I are very close, and everything I have is yours. TLB

What happened?  The good son seems to become the bad son.  How did the good, loyal, and faithful older brother become the bad son?  This is really important to see.  He became entitled.  He had a ‘you owe me’ mentality.  He felt that His dad owed him because of what he did on the family farm.  And over all those years of doing what was right, entitlement grew in his heart.  I want you to see the damage entitlement did.  When his brother came home, he didn’t have empathy; in fact, he was angry.   He refused to go and celebrate his brother.  When his father came to talk to him, he wasn’t grateful for his dad; in fact, he was angry with his dad.  His entitlement ruined his heart and his relationships and made his life frustrating.  

Entitlement is deadly, and that’s what we talk about today.  It’s one of the several mind games that our enemy uses to steal everything Jesus died to give us.  We’ve talked about regret and guilt.  Being stuck in the world of people pleasing.  Last week, being paralyzed with feelings of self-doubt.  And next week we'll talk about that constant feeling of being unlovable.  If you are walking with any of these things, you need to understand what is happening.   You are in a spiritual war, and your enemy is trying to steal everything Jesus died to give you.

Ephesians 6:12-13 This is no weekend war that we’ll walk away from and forget about in a couple of hours. This is for keeps, a life-or-death fight to the finish against the Devil and all his angels. Be prepared. You’re up against far more than you can handle on your own. MSG

The Christian life isn’t a playground; it’s a battlefield for your mind.  What is the battle about?  It’s about what God did for you through Jesus.  I want to read it for you.

2 Corinthians 5:21, 1 Corinthians 6:11b For God took the sinless Christ and poured into him our sins. Then, in exchange, he poured God’s goodness [righteousness] into us! …You were cleansed; you were made holy; you were made right with God by calling on the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God. NLT

Why can the Christian life be a struggle?  Not only do we have practical choices to make, but scripture tells us, and our real-life experience tells us, we are in a spiritual war.  How does our enemy try to steal, kill, and destroy what God did through Jesus?  He knows he can’t take away God’s grace from you.  He knows he can’t take away God’s righteousness, holiness, and purity from you.   He knows he can’t change your identity as a child of God.  So, what does he do?  He comes to lie to you.  And if he can get you to believe a lie, he can steal what Jesus died to give you.  What happens next?  A hard life just became harder.  

As we jump into entitlement, I need to say that this one is very unique because if we have it, we probably won’t see it in ourselves.  However, what is unseen to us may be glaring to those we live with.  Have you ever thought about that?  People who are living with us experience us differently from how we think they experience us.  We think we are good.  We think how lucky they are to be in a relationship with us, and we think everything is fine.  But it may not be.  The reality is, others may not enjoy being in a relationship with us.  They may even be walking on eggshells around us.

Here are six common traits of being in a relationship with someone who is entitled.   Someone who thinks, ‘You owe me.’   And remember, you probably won’t see this in yourself, but others around you might be experiencing these traits.

Trait 1: They believe the world, this includes those around them, owes them, while at the same time giving very little back.  It feels like a one-way relationship.  

Trait 2: They demand that others prioritize their needs, while at the same time, they are not aware of the needs of those around them.

Trait 3: There is little joy in relationships because they can’t focus on or have empathy for others around them.  

Trait 4: Constant feelings of frustration because their high expectations of others are rarely met.

Trait 5: They are overly sensitive, maybe even angry, with any conversations about their weaknesses.  Why?   They refuse to accept responsibility, and they blame others for their struggles.

Trait 6:  In public, they share outrage when someone doesn’t cater to their specific needs.

Does it sound fun to be in a relationship with this person?  It’s not.  It’s draining.  And that’s what happens with entitlement.  Remember the older brother?  His entitlement ruined his heart and his relationships and made his life frustrating.   Let’s make this personal and see if you connect with these thoughts.

Have you had these thoughts, and have they been on repeat in your mind?  Thoughts like, “My needs must be met all the time”, “Life should be easy and fair”, “I deserve special attention”, “I must get exactly what I want to be happy”, “Everybody is so incompetent”, “I have a right to complain”, “Others should make things right for me”.  

These thoughts are from entitlement.  And they can steal what Jesus died to give to you.  Let’s go deeper.  20-question Assessment to open our eyes to entitlement [Source: Bad Thoughts by Judah Smith and Dr. Less Parrott].  Scale from 0 to 7, 0 I strongly disagree, 7 I strongly agree.  Are the following statements true about you?

I don’t have many weaknesses.

Social status is important to me.

I like to possess things that others don’t.

I think that rules are meant to be broken.

I rank higher in social status than most people around me.

I’ll do whatever I have to protect my rights.

I’m not crazy about compromise.

I love special privileges.

I like attention.

I’m more capable than most people.

I don’t have much to apologize for.

What some call arrogance, I call confidence.

If something doesn’t benefit me, I’m honestly not that interested.

If I get angry, it’s always for a good reason.

Things should go my way.

I don’t have a problem complaining if I feel it’s justified.

I expect a lot from people around me.

If someone does me wrong, I find a way to punish them.

I’m the opposite of shy.

If I want something, I usually get it – one way or the other. 

If you found that you gave yourself a lot of 4s, 5s, or higher, your sense of entitlement is strong.  And because entitlement is hard to see in ourselves, we may not even see it.  But it may explain why we are so frustrated in life.

How did we get here?  How did entitlement grow?  Entitlement grows when we don’t embrace our weaknesses.  It grows when we hide our hurts and weaknesses from God and others.  Instead of asking for help, we want to lean on our judgment and our abilities.  We want to ignore our hurts and weaknesses.  We don’t want to need anyone, and that can include God.  And what is amazing, we think it will make us happier to not need anyone.  But all it does is it makes us more miserable.

What does the bible say?    

James 4:6 God gives strength to the humble but sets himself against the proud and haughty. 7 So give yourselves humbly to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. TLB

Do you see the word humble in verse 6?  The Greek word there is ταπεινοῖς, which describes a person who has lowered themselves from a proud position of relying on themselves to relying on God.  

The way we destroy entitlement in our hearts is through humility and empathy.  It begins spiritually when we recognize our need for God, and we rely on Him, not ourselves.  Scripture says that when we are humble, when we ask God for help, that’s when God gives us His strength.  And when we are entitled, that’s when God pushes against us.  And our real-life experience tells us that it makes us more frustrated with people and with life.

Let me ask you, how are you with God?  Do you go to God and ask for help?  Are you learning what it means to walk with God in a relationship through the ups and downs of life?  Or are you comfortable walking through life and ignoring God?  Please hear me, if we aren’t going to God, it’s how entitlement grows.  Our sense of, ‘You owe me’ grows and grows.  And it can leave us with broken relationships and a frustrating life.

Let’s get practical.   After we recognize our need for God, practically, we destroy entitlement when we live with empathy.  We take our focus off ourselves, all the time, and put our attention on others.  We put ourselves in their shoes.  We realize they have a story.  They have insecurities.  They are in a spiritual battle just like us.  Let me ask you, does this sound hard to do?  Does this sound like something you want to ignore?  It may be a sign that you are really struggling with entitlement.

Let’s read what scripture tells us.  

Galatians 6:1-3 Live creatively, friends. If someone falls into sin, forgivingly restore him, saving your critical comments for yourself. You might be needing forgiveness before the day’s out. Stoop down and reach out to those who are oppressed. Share their burdens, and so complete Christ’s law. If you think you are too good for that, you are badly deceived.

4-5 Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that. Don’t be impressed with yourself. Don’t compare yourself with others. Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life.

6 Be very sure now, you who have been trained to a self-sufficient maturity, that you enter into a generous common life with those who have trained you, sharing all the good things that you have and experience.

7-8 Don’t be misled: No one makes a fool of God. What a person plants, he will harvest. The person who plants selfishness, ignoring the needs of others - ignoring God! - harvests a crop of weeds. All he’ll have to show for his life is weeds! But the one who plants in response to God, letting God’s Spirit do the growth work in him, harvests a crop of real life, eternal life. MSG

You and I have been created by God on purpose to help others.  To serve others.  To encourage others.  Entitlement comes to steal that.  Entitlement will tell you that the road to joy is ignoring others, you don’t need anyone, look out for your own needs, and build your importance, and it’s not.  The road to joy is empathy.  When we take our focus off ourselves to help others.  The more you do this, the more you will be fulfilled in life, and the more others will enjoy you.

Do you see the spiritual battle?  Entitlement vs. Humility.  I depend on me vs. I depend on God.  It’s about my self-esteem vs. it’s about empathy.  I am not weak vs. I am weak.  I don’t need anyone vs. I need God and others.  The world owes me vs. I’m here to serve others.  

This is a real battle because we live in a culture that tells you it’s all about you.  Affirm yourself.  Love yourself.  Follow your heart.  The wonder drug to fix all our problems today is building your self-esteem, living your truth, and protecting your emotions.  And the center of all that matters is your self-esteem.  

I want to read what Jesus said.  

Luke 14:25 He turned and said to them, 26 ‘If someone wants to obey me, he must live like this: He must love me more than he loves his own father and mother. He must love me more than he loves his wife and his children. He must love me more than he loves his brothers and his sisters. He must even love me more than he loves himself. If he does not do that, he cannot be one of my disciples. 27 He must live like a person that carries his own cross to go and die. If he is not ready to die for me, he cannot be one of my disciples.’ Easy English Bible

Jesus didn’t say we should fall in love with ourselves and follow our hearts.  Jesus said we are to surrender our lives, fall in love with Him, and follow Him.  And if we can’t do that, we can’t be His disciples.

To be clear, we want everyone to have healthy self-esteem and healthy self-confidence.  We want everyone to walk in humility and empathy, where they are honest about what they are good at and what they struggle with.   But things go weird when we live in extremes.  The one extreme is in our culture, where we make our feelings our god.  The other extreme is when we belittle or undervalue ourselves.  

What it means to be a disciple of Jesus is humility and empathy.  We see our need for God and rely on Him.  We fall deeply in love with God and surrender our lives because we need Him and His grace.  We recognize our absolute need for Him.  And we live it out with empathy for others.

I must ask you, where are you?  What did the assessment reveal about you?  What is it like to be in a relationship with you?  Do you have the courage to ask those around you what it’s like to be in a relationship with you?  Do you get frustrated, angry, and maybe even blow up when it’s time for you to take responsibility for your role in a relationship?  Have people and life become very frustrating to you?  Have you come the end of yourself, have you seen your need of God, and have you fully surrendered your life to Jesus?